As open adoptions become more common across the U.S., more and more adoptive families have a relationship with their adopted child’s birth mother. If this is the case, and your child’s birth mother is involved in your family’s life, remember to acknowledge her on Mother’s Day—however do so with care. It can be a difficult time for her, whether or not she has other children of her own. Here are a few ideas for celebrating it lovingly and sensitively.
6 Ways to Honor the Birth Mother of Your Adopted Child
Encourage your adopted child to pick out an appropriate gift for her birth mother on Mother’s Day. Online sources such as FTD offer a variety of flowers and gift baskets that can be delivered directly to the recipient if she lives out of your area.
Social Media Involvement
One issue that birth mothers struggle with when giving their child up for adoption is that they are no longer acknowledged as a mother. Relevant Magazine recommends using social media as a communication platform for your child and his birth mother. If you choose to do this, your child has the opportunity to publicly acknowledge his birth mother on this day. He can post happy poems (using your account if he’s too young), share photos or memories, or simply leave a thoughtful message.
Group Mother’s Day Ceremonies
Adoptive Families recommends creating a group ceremony that involves the adoptive child, her birth mother and the adoptive parents. One of their ceremony ideas involves writing letters to the birth mother, placing flowers in a vase, and lighting candles to honor their parents. In this activity the children also made collages featuring various photos that reminded them of the birth mother, along with personal aspects of their lives.
Arrange a Time Split
If the birth mother is actively involved in your child’s life, consider splitting Mother’s Day between the birth mother and your family, or make the entire weekend a Mother’s Day celebration. Sharing time helps to keep the birth mother involved, and makes her feel honored on this day. This gesture also demonstrates that you value the birth mother’s contribution to your child’s life.
Mother’s Day often brings together families for a big dinner, so why not include the birth mother in this day’s special activities? As you prepare your home for a festive Mother’s Day meal and celebration, extend an invitation to your child’s birth mother and ask that she join in the family gathering.
If you’re planning to spend the day out and about, invite your child’s birth mother to take part in one or all of your activities. Select a family-friendly venue and include her in the planning process to make her feel welcome. If she has children of her own, encourage her to bring her family.