Here are some things that most adoptive moms have heard from well-meaning best friends to total strangers. The comments all sting. Do both your friend and yourself a favor by being aware of things to avoid asking.

[1] Why is she giving her baby up? What is her story?

[2] Do you think she takes drugs or smokes? Do you know what that can do to a baby?

[3] How much does she drink do you think?

[4] Has she even seen a doctor while she's pregnant?

[5] Does she have mental issues?

[6] What does it say about a person who can give her baby to a total stranger?

[7] What will you do if she changes her mind?

[8] Why didn't she use birth control?

[9] Where is her family in all of this? Why don't her parents want the baby?

[10] Does she expect you to pay for all of her medical expenses? Are you sure she's not just using you and then going to change her mind at the last minute? I've heard of that happening.

[11] If she actually wanted the baby back, how could you say no? She is, after all, the real mom.

[12] If she gets pregnant again will she just presume you are willing to raise that baby as well?

[13] Aren't you scared out of your mind that if she sees him she'll want him back? Agreeing to these meetings isn't going to help anyone. It's just going to stir up emotions.

[14] How can she not want to see any pictures of her own child? How cold is it to just move on with your life and forget the baby?

[15] How positive are you that she is telling you the truth about everything?

[16] What is her ethnicity? Did you ever wonder what her motive is in giving her child to you?

[17] Why is she giving up this baby when she kept the others?

[18] I think an open adoption has got to be just torture on the birth mom. Don't you think it would be better for everyone if she just backed off?

[19] Do you ever wonder if she is really being up front about her medical history?

[20] What can you possibly tell your child about his birth mom some day that won't make him feel bad?


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