It’s probably unknown to most that in many domestic adoption scenarios, the birth mother has pre-selected the adoptive parents and in at least half the cases, the birth mother and adoptive parent hopefuls arrange to meet in person. The adoption arrangement usually works this way. A hopeful adoptive mom registers with a licensed agency and fills out the miles of paperwork. Sometimes it includes a helpful worksheet on how to adopt a child that discusses fees, choosing a licensed attorney, potential wait time, and even writing a letter to the birth mom. Some agencies afford the adoptive parent an opportunity to correspond with the expectant mom; a “Dear Birth Mother” letter, if you will, in which the adoptive mom can present herself as a loving individual who will care for and nurture this precious child. Subsequently, a meeting is arranged. Believe it or not, this process can go more swiftly than you would imagine and in many cases, domestic adoptions are completed within 12 months.
Once the adoption process is accomplished, a new mom may experience a sort of post-adoption depression, not unlike the post-partum variety. This is not uncommon, which is why it’s imperative to join a post adoption support group. Moms get together and discuss their fears (do I love this child enough, will the family accept it, am I really ready) and concerns about being an adoptive parent (will the birth mother change her mind, what if the child gets sick and I don’t know what to do), and lend support to each other. It definitely eases your mind to express yourself and know you are not alone in worrying about all that comes with adopting a child.