Written by AdoptingMaMas.com
I wanted to write a post for all of the moms in waiting out there. Especially the ones that have been waiting a long time and who have experienced many bumps in the road. There are a lot of moms in waiting I know right now that are having a really tough time. Adoption is not easy and it’s not for the faint of heart. So I wanted to give a shout out to all of you that are thinking about throwing in the towel.
The fact is, sometimes the wait is short. But it is not unheard of for a wait to be 20, 24, 30 or more months long. That is a ridiculously long time compared to the human gestation period of 40 weeks, and a long time to wait to become a mom. Especially following 2 or 3 or 4 years of infertility. If it were not for the fact that I myself waited 20 months, I would not be able to wrap my little brain around it. Whatever your agency, attorney or facilitator said about how long your wait would be, double it. Then, just know, that every second you wait is worth it.
The fact is, when you are waiting, you mentally know that you’ve paid for at least part of your adoption, you’ve jumped through the hoops of a homestudy and you feel like you’ve done what you needed to do and you should now, finally, be able to become a parent. But emotionally, you are terrified it will never really, actually happen. You are tired and drained, and late in the wait maybe you’ve even survived a fall through, or two or three or four. And you are ready to give up. Don’t. Not now. Not when you are so very close.
The fact is, no matter how hard you try to listen to your instinct and place your worries in whatever higher power you believe in, if any, there is still stress and pain that weighs heavy on your heart most days, and some days are worse than others. This is normal. There is a piece of you missing and that is why you are in pain. Your child is missing. This is a very big reason to go forward and stay the course. Giving up will not alleviate that pain.
The fact is, no matter how much advice you get about how to get through the wait and how to deal with the pain and stress and frustration, in reality, there is only one, single thing that is going to fix it. And that fix IS, in fact, an immediate and complete fix. That “fix” is your child being placed in your arms, forever. It is the only absolute cure for adoption blues.