My name is Helena Ray and I am a 30 year old Chef that has been married for 2 years. My husband and have been trying to conceive for over a year and were obviously unsuccessful. This was my worst fear. We moved home with my parents and had to borrow money so that our dreams of having a child could come true. We are journeying through IVF and with that comes a lot of ups and downs. This is my story… 

When I grow up…

I hope I am not alone in the fact that the majority of my day and my dreams revolve around thoughts of IVF. Being told we "couldn't" have children was the worst thing that could have ever been said. When I was a little girl and people would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up , my answer was always a Mom first and a Chef to make the money(such a naive girl, Chefs don't make any real money). I am a lazy Chef. I love to cook and create but my heart is in another place.

This is so frustrating! You do everything in your power to prevent becoming pregnant and then, when you are ready to have a baby, you find out its almost impossible. If it wasn't for my parents it would be impossible. My husband and I decided to only tell people that need to know about our infertility. Its humiliating to him as a man. He even said to me yesterday that he thinks his penis got smaller. I can assure you it didn't. He just feels like less of a man. So, naturally I feel horrible that he feels that way. I don't blame him. I look at it like its our problem as a couple not his problem. I do not resent him in anyway. But, I am still sad that as a couple we have to go through this. My dreams of making love and surprising him with a positive on the pee stick are over. I go through all the hard work…that is just part of being a Mom. We have to do all the hard work anyway, baking those babies and all. So, whats a couple of shots and suppositories, a little cramping and headaches (had those every month since I was 13)? Easy! I can do this, because once I hold that baby or babies in my arms it won't matter how he/she was made. It will only matter that they are here and they are healthy. But, we are doing this together. My husband goes to every single appt with me and will give me my shots every night. I think this is important. He needs to be as much a part of this process as he can. Just like if we were making this baby the old fashioned way.

On a side note…any other IVFers notice twins a lot more now that there is a good chance you could have them? When you see a set of twins do you wonder if the parents went through IVF? I do.

Here is my complete Blog!

It's a Bitch to Make a Baby


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